A man was walking down the street and he came upon a dog
And the dog said to him, “do you have any meat?’
The man answered, “No, but I can dance for you and perhaps the crowds that pass along will throw us some money.”
“This will not do,” said the dog. “I’ve seen you dance before, and I would think that no one would pay for that.”
“Ah,” said the man, “but I never had a dog.”
Tomorrow’s Tuesday, a week from the last time we had a Tuesday. Will the day be any different? It’s hard to tell until you’ve seen it. I’m hoping I do.
My wife grew a sudden concern for brain-eating amoeba. “People in Texas got it from the water.”
“I wouldn’t worry about it.”
“Whose fault is it then? Is it the city’s fault?”
“No, they don’t get it from drinking the water – they get it from swimming in lakes and rivers.”
“Oh, we have to be careful.”
“Believe me, we have a better chance of getting hit by a car than being infected by a brain-eating amoeba.”
The bird I had while growing up was a peculiar animal. Every morning when I got up, he’d tell me the time. Of course, he only knew how to say 6:23.
And yet, on the occasions he was actually right, I never thought him especially smart for it.
The seals on the rocks near the end of the wharf were a lazy bunch. They seldom moved throughout the day, and they smelled something fierce.
I went and asked them one day why they didn’t do something about it, but they just looked at me and smiled. I didn’t get the joke, but I’m resolved to go back and ask them after I’ve done some considerable studying on it.
Three blind men were sitting in front of the laundromat. They were washing their clothes. All of them…which, if you think about it, left them completely naked. This didn’t seem to bother them though, as I believe they thought no one else could see them either.
After trying 50 times, Delores finally got to talk to the man in the green hat.
“What seems to be the problem,” he demanded.
“Well,” she said timidly, “last time I came here I was told I’d get a tour of the room where they keep all of the monkeys.”
“Wherever did you get that idea? It’s preposterous to think a reputable place like this would keep a room full of monkeys, let alone allow people to come in off the street willy-nilly for tours.”
“I don’t care what it takes, I’ll pay good money to see those monkeys,” she replied.
“Madame, if you don’t leave immediately, I will have to alert the authorities.” Delores was left with no choice. She turned and left. Little did the man in the green hat know that she was wanted for murder in three states.
