Like most people, there are times when my tongue is tied and I’m nothing but an awkward, inarticulate klutz when I’m talking to others. And then there are times when I’m a regular chatterbox that won’t shut-up. But I think, like most people, that I enjoy the company of interesting people — and I find so many people interesting. And anyway, who doesn’t like having real conversations?
Well…a lot of people actually. It really depends on the situation. Today was one of those days when I really felt like talking, so I was so fortunate when someone walked into my office to talk about a language learning opportunity. We (well, mostly, I) started chatting about just about anything. Over time, this blog came up in the conversation, and since I’d been writing here for nearly two years now, she observed that I must be a writer. When I registered a light protest to that characterization, she said, simply, “You are what you do.”
What a wise, yet simple thought, and I suppose that’s pretty close to the truth in most cases. Would I call myself a “writer” then? Yes, I’m a writer. But I’m not a writer. Not at all! I’m just not there yet. But it did come to mind then that I love to encourage people – so I’m an “encourager.” And I can live with that.
The conversation took a little turn there, because it got me thinking of why I love to encourage people, and how maybe I could even see a bit of that reasoning in my own life experiences. Because I think we can probably all agree, there are times when we all need the encouraging, and there’s really not enough of it going around.
Yeah. We often wander through life keeping so much of it hidden. Putting on the face that covers how we’re really feeling. And we’re really feeling tired. Or a little anxious. Or alone. But no – for whatever reason, we can’t let people really know. I mean, what would they think if they knew we didn’t have it all together?
We all have our reasons for this reluctance to expose ourselves. We’re shy. We’re embarrassed. We don’t want to be a burden. We certainly don’t want our mothers worrying about us – we’re too old for that! But we’re all facing something too. For some, a mere annoyance. For others, a crushing anxiety. I’ve known people who were in the process of losing nearly everything, but still walked through life fooling us all.
I’ve known so many people over so many years, and the more people I meet, the more I feel like I need to look them in the eyes and ask, “How are you doing?” Not just a “how’s it goin’” as I pass them in the hall, but a deep look that says “I want to hear the truth.” I’ve tried to be truthful enough myself. My son used to crack me up with his one-word answers when he came home from school. “How’s it going?” “Fine.” “How was school today?” (my wife used to ask him that all of the time). “Good.” All with very little enthusiasm. But when people ask me how I’m doing, I sometimes surprise them by actually telling them. And even if it’s “good,” it’s seldom a quick good.
And maybe that throws people off. They expect an easy answer — one that won’t make them think too hard — and end up getting more than what they asked for. Still, how hard can it be to actually look someone in the eyes and really see them. To let them know that you really are interested in how they’re doing. You’d think we’d find that so much easier these days anyway (the looking in the eyes) – especially in Korea, where we wear masks everywhere.
And it’s important…maybe because we’re wearing masks everywhere. I’d venture to say that most of us are not alright. We’re all struggling with something – some of us more than others. Some of us much more. When I spoke to someone recently about this observation, she rattled off a good four or five names of people who were going through things about which I would have never guessed — just by observation, there was no way of knowing these people were hurting so much.
And so, there has to be a great deal of good that can come from looking someone in the eyes and saying “How are you?” And really caring when I say it. Or even more so (and like I said, I love doing this), telling someone, “I see what you’re doing and I think it’s great.” Saying in as many words as I want, “I’ve noticed you.” We need that. More than ever, I think we need that.
You just don’t know what people are going through. But how hard can it be to give some kindness and encouragement. Last time I checked, it was free…
And as if you haven’t heard enough of Kings Kaleidoscope, here’s a song that fits…
I’m not what I seem
Only in this moment
Only in this moment
I’m holding onI’m still bound to bleed
This is just a moment
I thought you should know it
I’m gold, then goneI’m not what I seem
Only in this moment
Only in this moment
I’m holding onI’m no guarantee
I can barely focus
I know I seem hopeless
I’m gold, then goneI’m not what I seem
We can both be honest
I’m not what I promised
I’m off then onPray I find my peace
Pray I slay the dragon
Pray I break this madness
And find the shore